It is a good idea to be ready for change when what you are doing is not really working, but then, who defines what is working? There are several considerations, and those chosen as top priorities may require a sacrifice to keep them at the top of the list. Family is a top consideration for me, and to be near my children, I have been choosing until now, NOT to move. I think I will stay here by default until I am forced to move, or until I find an open door and path to a new place God may show me--- the idea being to increase my income and reduce my cost of living so that I can get out of debt and, in the long run, be free to REALLY spend time with my family like I do not really get to do NOW.

I am sort of looking around, but what holds me to this place is the familiarity and comfort of my hometown (despite the hardships), the fact of my family living here and my having gotten well adjusted in two part time jobs, working sixty to seventy hours per week, not such an easy thing to do. Any change is stressful, even if it is a good change, and I like to be sure it is for a good reason, most importantly that God has called me to move. It is hard to hear His voice calling me to any place where my children are NOT, but it could happen. I formerly turned down a nanny job out east that offered me a live in position, as much money as I make from both of my jobs plus room and board. If I had taken it, I might have saved over $100,000 already, but I would have missed some special moments in the lives of my children.

Sometimes I think maybe He has called me to move, at least to a heated room for rent, cheap, or a heated garage where I can park my van and sleep in it, because if He wanted me to stay here, why would He not supply the means to be a good steward of this house? It is only a tiny, one bedroom house, but it needs renovation before the insurance company or the bank will look at it, the roof leaks, the siding and roof and garage door need to be replaced, and the contract for deed balloons next spring. Before I can take on such a project, I surely need to pay off my debts and rebuild my FICO score, or the bank will not be interested at all. That is the question looming big in the back of my mind: should I take on such a project, just me, all alone, in a desperate attempt to get stabilized back into equity and be near my children? Hmmm...

Perhaps, like so many others I have heard the stories about,  I could embrace the spirit of adventure in overcoming adversity and be willing to sleep in my van and take my showers at a local gym or health club, so that everything I earn can go to paying off my debts? I have been considering it, and it is very tempting, to get out from under the heavy burden I am bearing for no apparent purpose except to make other people richer and me poorer. The Bible says to owe nobody anything except love, and that is what I am hearing from everyone in my personal circles, too.

At the moment, it seems that one of the main things people want from me is MONEY. Money for personal loan repayments, student loans, mortgage payments, insurance, credit card payments, and anything at all that I need to do, so I found out, while it is not good to love MONEY, it sure does come in handy as a tool with which to love PEOPLE. They understand love and kindness by my willingness to cheerfully and generously hand over money without complaint, I have noticed. There are those, few and far between, who like me for myself and do not want my money, and I very much appreciate them. But my time is sold out to earn money for those that want money from me. I want to make this process as short and quick and painless as possible, just because I have other things to do besides work, work, work to earn as much money as it will take to get out of debt and be self supporting by forced retirement age.

I cannot BOTH keep this house (renovate and refinance it) AND pay off all my debts, along with just starting out to learn how to be a businesswoman; it takes time and money to make money, and it takes much more than I have right now to renovate an old house, rebuild a smashed FICO score, and talk a bank into taking on a contract they have indicated they do not want to take on.

Which means I may well have to move, and I am looking. At this point, that is all I know. I have been seriously investigating just how it is that homeless people get by.